She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just blew my weed a kiss
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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