I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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