You're so nebulous sometimes
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
