I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
