I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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