i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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