He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
