does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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