I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
