you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
