We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I need moral support for this bender
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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