I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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