it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
COCAINE IS GR8
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
