i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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