Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
