I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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