why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
