Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
