i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
