Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
