did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
