I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I will be naked everywhere
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
