Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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