I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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