Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
