Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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