forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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