it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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