found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
