The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
