Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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