i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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