Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
