Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
