if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
4 words: hood of his car
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
