i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
