3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
In the future we'll all be gay
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
