Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
