I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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