i think my tv is drunk
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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