I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
