god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
