I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
