i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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