Soap is not a condiment
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
