just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
