We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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