FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
