umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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