Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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